Lord, we are your people and your heritage. Be always watchful for the entreaty of your servant and of your people, and listen to us whenever we call to you. For it was you who set us apart from all the peoples of the earth to be your own heritage
(1 Kings 8:51-53)
I began this by writing a short biography for my “About me” page. It gradually took on a life of it’s own and I decided that it belonged as a blog post.I am a husband, father of seven children, elementary music teacher and musician. I enjoy reading and playing chess.Since turning 40 I have realized that I have been living off of the dwindling energy of dreams from my teens and early 20’s that have not come to fruition. It is time to dream new dreams. To reinvent myself. I don’t know what that will include yet. My life is being remodeled at the same time as my blog.One thing I’m discovering is that I have wanted to do too many things and as a result have not done any very well. When I experience great music, I want to be as good as that musician and think that I can. When I read great books, I want to be a great author and think that I can. When I watch a great preacher and pastor, I want to be a great pastor and think I can. Unfortunately to do any of these requires that I set aside a lot of time that I simply don’t have as a father and breadwinner. And I can’t be great at all of them. So I’m trying to narrow down the things that I want to pursue into probably one area that I can devote what little spare time I have.In place of all this dreaming, I’m learning to be a fan. When I listen to Pat Metheny, I am able to enjoy his music, rather then imagining that one day I could play like him. I am a fan of my former pastor Doug Murren. Perhaps one day I will be a successful minister. But for now it is enough to be amazed at his communication skills. I’m also a fan of author Neil Gaiman. Of Star Wars. And of Anabaptist theology.One thing that I’ve set out to become is a good fan of baseball. I’m still figuring things out that for most fans are basics. I’m currently watching the DVDs of the Red Sox’s successful effort to win the World Series in 2004. I’m currently at game 3 of the American League Championship against their rivals the New York Yankees. Remarkable that they lost the first three games and then went on to not only win the championship but then the World Series.Along with being a fan, I need to figure out who I am as a minister. While many of my ministry dreams have died, I still have a sense of calling inside me that won’t go away. I’ve not been very successful as a traditional pastor. I have some ideas for how I’m going to minister freed from the expectations of congregational ministry. I don’t know what I’ll do yet. I’ll find a way to play worship music. And hopefully to preach and teach.However, life is very much on hold right now. Our goal is to move the family back to Washington this summer. That requires three dominoes to fall. First, I need a job in Washington in an area close to a school so Deana can finish working on her nursing program. Second, we need to sell our house. And third Deana needs to find a job. That’s a lot of dominoes to fall in the next 5 months. We covet all your prayers.So this puts me in an on-hold position. I can’t figure out who I am as a minister because I’m not settled in some where that I can try new things. Right now, life is revolved around cleaning up, cleaning out, getting finances in order and trying to find a new job. I’m learning to put dreaming on hold while I am faithful to do the work that needs to occupy my time right now.I guess that’s who I am right now in a nutshell. Putting some things to rest and looking forward to a new future.